In late 1995, my then-3-year-old daughter, Zoe walked up to Diana, placed her little hand on her mom’s abdomen, and with the solemnity of a Word from Heaven, proclaimed her mommy was going to have a little brother and his name would be Joshua. These were huge words from a typically reserved and nearly nonverbal little girl. We smiled. “How cute and precocious.” But three weeks later and “one week late” the little stick was blue and we were expecting #6. Zoe knew!
3 months later I was in my afternoon clinic. The radiologist called me with Diana’s 20-week ultrasound results. The tone from the radiologist was somber. The news wasn’t good. Our little one had died.
Later that week Diana was taken to the operating room next to Labor and Delivery for a procedure to extract the body of our child from her. I waited in the obstetrics OR men’s dressing room pulling a double vigil, both as husband/father and as physician managing the labor of another woman down the hall. I waited, dressed in blue scrubs, sitting on the bench between the rows of lockers. I ducked out periodically to check the lady on L&D, then back to the OR dressing room bench to wait.
Suddenly the door from the OR burst open. A nurse carried a large clear jar wrapped in blue towels on his way to pathology. The towel slipped off briefly revealing the body of my son–in pieces mostly. I tried to look away but I couldn’t. I wanted to see him.
The door slammed shut leaving me again in the silence of my own thoughts. I buried my head in my hands and I wept. I had never felt so much pain. My pager blared out. The woman in labor was crowning. I washed my face, steeled myself, and headed to L&D. I delivered the baby and then rushed to Recovery to be with Diana.
Joshua Grey Sensintaffar is my son and I’m grateful for the little time I had with him. He has extraordinary value not just because he was loved by his parents but also because, born or pre-born, he was and is God’s child and created in His image. I am so thankful I will see him again.
Joshua, I love you little buddy.
Dash Stories 
I did not know this piece of your story. I’m so sorry. We have tried and lost four pregnancies and have continued to wish that our daughter could of had one sibling. Thank you for sharing your story. Love you. Rachel (vanderwerf) Ozdemir.
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Rachel, thanks for sharing. Thanks for reading my story. I’m so sorry to hear about your heartache. It must be tough. Love you bunches. Lowell.
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I did not know this piece of your story. I’m so sorry. We have tried and lost four pregnancies and have continued to wish that our daughter could of had one sibling. Thank you for sharing your story. Love you. Rachel Ozdemir.
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